This tie that binds....

When is it time to cut the ties that bind me to my parents wishes and commands for my life? At what point can i claim this step into adult hood and stand up to them? When can i stop being their little puppet and start making my own decisions?

I am torn. Completely torn. The past year, i have learned how to be my own person. And i think i have shown that to everyone. But not to my parents. Becuase they are paying for my education, i feel that i still owe them the gratification of still having their last child under thier control. But i am 20 years old.....im not 12 anymore. I truly believe that it is time for me to break those ties. And yes- i know that they want to pay for my education.....but when that starts becomming their excuse for not letting me do something, i loose all respect for them.

I want to go against them, so badly. But i feel like i cant yet- because of the money thing. I feel like because they are paying, then i still must obey their every wish. But i do not, by any means, agree with them on this....I think that i should be able to make me own decisions....and be my own person. And the way its always gone, i am supposed to respect them in their decisions for my life and what they think is best for me. But i dont. Not anymore. Not on this decision. I dont respect them at all because i dont agree with it. If anything, i resent the fact that they wont let me make my own decisions. They think that it is a mistake. But they have to realize that they cant protect me my entire life. They have to let me go. And even if the decisions i make are mistakes, then so be it. I will learn from them.

I guess the point im trying to make is that i am mad at them for not letting my go, but i am more mad at myself for once again giving into them and doing what they want me to do. I want to stand up to them. i want them to understand that they cant control me forever. But like always, i feel obligated to respect them. But can i pretend to respect them? That doesnt seem like something i should have to do. I would truley respect them if they let me be my own person. I would truley respect if they would let me go. I would truley respect them if they would understand that i am an adult now, and therefore, they have to treat me like one....

But like i said....it is the tie that binds.....